A Star Is Born

A Star is Born

Lilly had been living her airy-fairy life down at the beach, as per usual, for as long as she could remember. Then, for a while, she had gone up to the mountains to hibernate, and on her way back down, she was discovered, just like those actresses of old in LaLaLand.

She was wearing her least favourite silver slip-on shoes that Alexi had advised her to buy for when her sister wasn’t there to tie her shoe-laces. And her newly cut fluffy-chicken haircut was sticking firmly in the air when a girl with a camera asked if she could interview her post-hike.

And so Lilly warbled on for twenty minutes about why she liked hiking, which, if the truth be known, she only liked because it had been raining loud and heavy one day, and so she had gone to the mountains to escape the hordes. And then it was because the guru had gotten so busy building a new house that he could no longer accompany her of a Sunday which is when she thought all gurus went to rest.

In any case, Lilly had been visiting her relatives in Berlin where she had used to live – and showed them a dark underground museum where a monster-maker slept every night with his monsters - when she received the call.

She was to return forthwith for a starring role in an online hiking campaign for a large American drugstore called Wallbeans.

Lilly had just been swimming when she head the message and was feeling rather odd to be back in her old stomping ground where she had once lived, and thought it sounded like the perfect plan to escape. And so she went online and booked her ticket home. And then she spent a day at her daddy’s house in England, and then she missed his party and went home to the beach.

The guru was busier than ever, and so while Lilly waited for her starring-role, she went to some parties for the Oscars. As it so happened, she had been anointed by the Queen of England to attend a rained-out garden party at the British consulate for the nominees for The King’s Beach, which was a film from England. At the party, she saw Ms. Helena Bonham Carter, who, like Lilly, had also been to Berlin, cos Lilly had seen her reveal her bossom there to the crowds there. And then she spoke to a man who said he was the Deputy British Ambassador to the United States, and spent most of his days speaking to President Bobama about furthering British interests. Lilly had decided that he was just an actor until the very next day she saw the film’s director, Mr. Tom Blooper, receiving the prize for the best film award on stage. The ambassador must have spent an awfully long time talking to the president, she thought.

The next day, she was to begin her own film career. And so she went to the mountains for her call-time of 9.30, wearing her finest pink jacket and gold-sequined Converse boots. And then, she told the camera people how, when she wasn’t hiking, they fitted perfectly with her Diane Von Furstenburg Wonder woman dress and her black pirate’s eye patch. And then they filmed her holding her shoes next to her face to encourage more people to go hiking, and then they told her she would be online April 7. Then Lilly went home. And then Lilly wrote a story on luxury and religion, which her editor said she was killing. And then Lilly went to bed having told her editor she wasn’t killing anything ‘cos she was now a Buddhist. She didn’t quite understand.